The Controlling and Jealous Type


“My friend always dates guys that are really controlling and jealous.  She was single for a little bit and started recognizing and dealing with this pattern, she talked about it a lot and sounded like she was going to be stronger.  But now she is dating a controlling guy again and every time I say something to her, she defends him and the relationship.  It’s starting to put a strain on our friendship. What should I do?”

Carmel Valley San Diego Community | Gillian Walker | Question of the Week | bad-marriage-fighting-coupleAnswer:

I know how difficult it can be to watch a close friend repeat self-destructive patterns.  It sounds like you have done everything possible to alert her to her behavior.  There is not much else you can do other than wait it out.  Ultimately, it is her life, her decision, and her responsibility to learn from her mistakes.

I recommend taking some time off from the friendship.  Give her some room to breathe and explore her new relationship.  This time apart will also help you to develop healthy and appropriate boundaries within the friendship.  It is right and appropriate to be concerned for someone you care about, yet sometimes, the best way to deal with your concern is to back off and let that person deal with the repercussions of their choices.

One of two things will happen during this time.  One, she will realize that she is once again repeating an unhealthy pattern and break it off with the guy.  Two, she will continue dating him.  Make use of your time apart to determine how involved you wish to be in your friendship with her in regards to either outcome.

Carmel Valley San Diego Community | Gillian Sky WalkerGillian Sky Walker believes in you!  Her belief that her life’s calling is to be an inspiration and source of encouragement to as many people as possibe led her to create, where she offers personal growth and wellness videos as Shiny Gilly.  Gillian has over 15 years of counseling, teaching and speaking experience.  She is the founder of Therapeutic Trance Training and leads several trainings a year, certifying others in this method.  Her authentic and dynamic delivery makes wellness accessible and fun for everyone.  Her certifications include Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner, Registered Yoga Teacher and Reiki Master.  Gillian spends most of her time speaking, teaching and filming.  She and her husband run Shiny Gilly Productions, filming web content for local business owners out of their home studio.  They also co-host a youtube show together where they discuss current events, interview local business owners, and answer relationship questions.  They are finishing up a book on dating advice that will be released later this year


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