Do Open Relationships Really Work?

Dear Gilly,
I have been dating someone for 6 months.  I’ll call her girl A.  We have an open relationship but I’m pretty sure she wants more.  I like her alot but am not sure that she is “the one”.  I recently moved to a different state and we agreed to allow each other to see other people, yet not have sex with anyone. 
I have recently met and started seeing someone and things have been progressing quickly.  I have kept my word and have not had sex with her, but am not sure that I want to keep that limitation long term.  I haven’t told A about her and not sure that I should. 
My question is, am I acting in integrity with Girl A, adhering to the letter of our agreements?  Or would integrity be disclosing those connections if I intend to keep having them?  If I disclosed them, I’m afraid it would end that relationship.

Carmel Valley San Diego Community | Gillian Walker | Troubled CoupleDear Open,

The key for me to your question was the statement that immediately followed it:  ″If I disclosed them, I’m afraid it would end that relationship.″

If your relationship with A is truly open, no other connections would be an issue.  If you think that full disclosure might end the relationship, it probably isn’t as open as you might like it to be.

You mentioned that A would like a committed relationship, but you aren’t really leaning that way with her.  When it’s LOVE, timing, location, everything ceases to matter.  It just is what it is.

I recommend simply asking A if she would like to be so open that you discuss other relationships with each other, or would she rather be open and discreet.  Let her lead the way and respect her choice in the matter.

Here is my unasked for Gilly sidenote: I am not a fan of open relationships.  You either are or are not in a relationship.  If you are in, you are in all the way.  Open relationships, in my opinion, are relationships that aren’t really working for various reasons and you are both keeping options open for one that works better.

Email your questions to

Shine on.


Carmel Valley San Diego Community | Gillian Sky WalkerGillian Sky Walker believes in you!  Her belief that her life’s calling is to be an inspiration and source of encouragement to as many people as possibe led her to create, where she offers personal growth and wellness videos as Shiny Gilly.  Gillian has over 15 years of counseling, teaching and speaking experience.  She is the founder of Therapeutic Trance Training and leads several trainings a year, certifying others in this method.  Her authentic and dynamic delivery makes wellness accessible and fun for everyone.  Her certifications include Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner, Registered Yoga Teacher and Reiki Master.  Gillian spends most of her time speaking, teaching and filming.  She and her husband run Shiny Gilly Productions, filming web content for local business owners out of their home studio.  They also co-host a youtube show together where they discuss current events, interview local business owners, and answer relationship questions.  They are finishing up a book on dating advice that will be released later this year


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